My Journey

I’m not sure if others are out there like me. Here’s the scenario:

Four years ago when I was almost exactly the weight I am today, I bought a dress that I loved. I bought it online, so had no idea if it would fit. It arrived in the mail and I tried it on. It did not fit, not anywhere close, even though it was a size 12, which *should* have fitted. Women’s clothing sizing is totally subjective, but that’s a rant for another time.

I decided to keep the dress and wear it when I became small enough. Wanna take a guess what’s happened? Well, the tags are still on this dress and I have not worn it yet. I think it might fit when I reach my goal weight, which is about 20 pounds away. (Can’t even believe that right now.)

This is my question: Is having a “goal” piece of clothing a good thing or not? It’s not really motivating to me, but I *so* love the dress and want to wear it that I have kept it.

All this is not to say that I don’t buy things that fit me now! I think that sets up an awful dynamic, wearing clothes that are too big. I recently filled 3 large bags with clothing that is too big or that I no longer want in my life and closet.

As of today, I’m back to where I was before the pandemic after a summer of hard work. At that time, I was trying to exercise away overeating and binging. I’m not there now…I’m just paying attention to what’s going on with my body. Hunger cues. Have I had enough? Do I need those last couple bites?